i miss you…

Sun., June 7th.
Day one:

its such a beautiful clear night, with the low temperature and the full moon shedding its light over the block.
i feel rested and peaceful.
the faint, everconstant hum of crickets blend with the whisper soft droning of the stand up air fan, creating a melodic soundtrack perfectly befitting my first night in California.
the occassional low growling bark of a neighborhood dog, or the hum of a car’s engine revving up a few streets away adds to the medley of the night’s city sounds.
having stolen away to my room for the evening, i lock the door behind myself,
and begin to undress.
i take time with every article of clothing i remove, my thoughts pre-occupied and my body relaxed.
now completely disrobed,
i step over my jeans and bra on the floor,
reaching for the smallest compartment of my suitcase where your shirt lie,
neatly folded and safely stowed.
through the window’s blinds, the moon and street lamps make their way around the shirt that i now hold up, silhouetting it against the dim light.
i love this shirt on you.
you are always so touchable and soft in it,
and the blue makes your already captivating eyes even more of a focal point.
inhaling deeply, i breathe the scent of you into my lungs,
a scent which has already faded since just this morning when we last embraced.
further proof of just how far away we really are.
i can’t help but miss you intensely as i suddenly crave you arms around me,
embracing me tightly,
comforting me, sheltering me from sadness and doubt.
overcome with emotion i hug your shirt tightly to myself,
as if any moment, you will somehow materialize into the shirt and be there,
hugging me back.
tears now pour down my face,
over my bare neck and my naked chest.
sliding your shirt over my head, the thin, soft cotton envelops me into a kind of makeshift hug, comforting me slightly.
the tears slow as i indulge in the comfort your “hug” has provided me.
i am very tired.
i recline on the downy bedspread, legs open,
one knee bent with my foot flat on the bed,
the other leg extended to one side,
lying at the wrong end of the bed so that i can feel the fan’s cool wind on my skin.
the tears still come, warm and slow.
i wish you were over me, your strong arms bracing yourself on either side of me,
my hands running up and down your veined forearms as they flex in my grip.
imagining your hands,
slowly and firmly i run my hands over my breasts,
the thin fabric of your shirt complimenting how warm and soft they are,
the fan causing my nipples to stiffen.
tightly, i run my hands down my sides,
and slide them along each leg.
collapsing into tears, i turn over onto my stomach,
clutching a pillow in one hand,
my hair in the other.
my right knee is bent over the back of the other, my left foot dangles off the edge of the futon.
i am overwhelmed by an exhausted calm.
breathing deeply once again into you,
i fall into a deep, peaceful sleep, the last of my tears trickling onto the pillow,
leaving tiny smudged trails of mascara on my cheeks.

<3Vixxx